The Heart and Soul of “Couple-ness”

The foundation of a partnership rests on a set of shared values that guide your choices and actions in life together. The values you share with your partner can be seen as intrinsic to your “couple-ness.” Your values reflect the very heart and soul of your relationship or your “us-ness.” Some couples value mutual understanding, validation, openness, compromise and friendship. Other couples value individuality, expressiveness and passion. Still other couples value harmony, common ground and autonomy. Couples who share and co-create shared values can have a very successful partnership in their marriage over the long-term (Gottmann, 1994).

When a couple co-creates and embodies shared values in their daily lives together, they express what is fulfilling to their relationship (Whitworth, Kimsey-House, & Sandahl, 1998). The couple expresses what is important to them through their words, their actions and their accomplishments. People around them, their friends and families, experience their “couple-ness” in palpable and real ways. The qualities that make their relationship unique and special radiate to everyone around them.

Whitworth, Kimsey-House, & Sandahl (1998) wrote that a valued life is a fulfilling life and a life lived as a “radical act.” When one thinks of the word “radical,” one thinks of going to an extreme; however, this is not what is meant in this context. The dictionary definition of “radical,” as an adjective, is “of or from the root or roots, going to the center, foundation or source of something; fundamental; basic; as a radical principle” (Webster’s New World Dictionary, 1957).

Couples who articulate and generate their core values are able to co-create a foundation for their relationship that is strong and durable. They share their “couple-ness” powerfully with others. As a couple, your alignment around what is important to you contributes quietly and gently, yet powerfully to everyone you touch. As partners in life, your gift is giving the possibility and value of your “couple-ness” to others.

References

Gottman, J. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail: And how you can make yours last. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Webster’s New World Dictionary of the American Language, College Edition. (1957) New York: The World Publishing Company.

Whitworth, L., Kimsey-House, H, & Sandahl, P. (1998) Co-active coaching: New skills for coaching people towards success in work and in life. Palo Alto, California: Davies-Black Publishing.

Posted in Partnership Marriage