“Let’s have a conversation”

In my relationship with my wife, Martha, one of us often says to the other, “Let’s have a conversation about _______________(fill in the blank).  The topic might be money, a home improvement project, a family member, our summer vacation or some issue.  We’ll pull out our calendars and schedule a time to have a conversation. […]

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I am looking forward to being together with family and eating bountifully. As usual, this holiday comes at a very busy time of the year for Martha and me and reminds me just how seldom I give thanks for anything, let alone the wonderful life we have. Martha, I […]

By the Year 2017…

In the summer of 2005, Martha and I were living in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, with two of our three children, and starting to think about coming back home to the United States. Martha’s four-year expatriate contract with an international bank would be coming to an end in a year’s time, our eldest daughter was getting […]

The Power of Co-creating Vision

From 2002 to 2006, Martha and I spent four wonderful years living in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, with two of our three children. In the spring of 2006, our expatriate assignment was drawing to a close and it was time for us to return home to the United States. We wanted to live in the Boston […]

Putting Us First

At the end of August, Martha and I spent a wonderful and much needed vacation for a week and a half on Squam Lake in Holderness, New Hampshire. We swam, hiked, put together puzzles and read our books. We didn’t think about work or other responsibilities for a minute. We relaxed and replenished ourselves. We […]

Connecting to Us Couples Retreat

I am happy to announce that a colleague of mine, Joanie Yanusas, and I are facilitating a couples retreat on the second weekend in October at a peaceful and beautiful venue in Elmira, New York.  Joanie is a certified professional coach and Retreat Leader whom I met at a leadership course several years ago. She […]

Radical Conversations that Have Shaped Marriage

In the last two hundred and fifty years, societal conversations in the United States, all considered radical at an earlier time, have transformed the institution of marriage. Briefly, here are a few: Individual choice. The Age of Enlightenment in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries influenced relations between men and women in radical ways. Reason trumped […]

What Husbands Want in Marriage

Have you ever wanted to know what husbands really want in their marriages with their wives? Neil Chethik (2006) in his book, Voice Male, presented the results of his interviews with 70 husbands and surveys with another 280 husbands to find out. Most husbands whom he interviewed: Considered their relationships with their wife as most […]

A Poem by e.e. cummings

The poem below by e.e. cummings is my favorite love poem. I was thinking about my 42 years with Martha the other day.  When she got her Ph.D. a couple of years ago, she manifested not only her vision for her life, but also my vision for her. Martha has always has been at my […]

Exploring Ideas about Marriage

We all have different ideas and notions about marriage. We form beliefs and judgments about marriage by what we watch on television and at the movies, by what we read in newspapers and magazines and by witnessing the success or failure of the marriages of our own parents, family members and friends. We form all […]