Radical Conversations that Have Shaped Marriage

In the last two hundred and fifty years, societal conversations in the United States, all considered radical at an earlier time, have transformed the institution of marriage. Briefly, here are a few: Individual choice. The Age of Enlightenment in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries influenced relations between men and women in radical ways. Reason trumped […]

Living a Valued Life

Whitworth, Kimsey-House, & Sandahl (1998) wrote that a valued life is a fulfilling life and living such a life is a “radical act.” When one thinks of the word “radical,” one thinks of going to an extreme, but this is not what is meant in this context. The dictionary definition of radical, as an adjective, […]

What Husbands Want in Marriage

Have you ever wanted to know what husbands really want in their marriages with their wives? Neil Chethik (2006) in his book, Voice Male, presented the results of his interviews with 70 husbands and surveys with another 280 husbands to find out. Most husbands whom he interviewed: Considered their relationships with their wife as most […]

Childhood Lessons in Equality

I was born an identical twin, one of two. My childhood and early teenage years orbited around my relationship with my twin brother, Wendel. We were “the twins,” a twosome, a couple, before we became individuals. As young adults, we went to very different colleges, moved to different areas of the country, pursued different careers […]

Exploring Ideas about Marriage

We all have different ideas and notions about marriage. We form beliefs and judgments about marriage by what we watch on television and at the movies, by what we read in newspapers and magazines and by witnessing the success or failure of the marriages of our own parents, family members and friends. We form all […]

Choosing Marriage on the Basis of Love

Prior to the eighteenth century in Western Europe and elsewhere around the globe, marriage between a man and a woman had little to do with lifelong loving companionship. What is more, a betrothed couple had little to say in the matter; it was often not even their choice to get married! In her research on […]

Creating a Vision Statement

This is an exercise that will help you and your partner to create a very succinct statement about what is important to your relationship. This exercise was adapted from the work of Harrold (2001). Step 1: In this part of the exercise, consider the following questions together. Simply have a conversation as you consider the […]

The Power of Alignment

Webster’s dictionary defines alignment as “the act of bringing into close cooperation, to ally with, to associate with, or to side with.” Couples who see themselves as partners in life together tend to be aligned on their values, in their lifestyle, and in their vision for their relationship and their future. When something in their […]

Three Forms of Marriage Partnership

There is no one set of values that a couple can adopt that will form the basis of an enduring, fulfilling marriage partnership. Each couple co-creates the values that are important to their relationship.  John Gottman (1994), a marriage researcher and expert, studied 2000 different couples and found that there were three stable forms of […]