Creating Fairness in Marriage

I learned many lessons about being a good husband and partner in marriage growing up with my twin brother, Wendel. One of them was about fairness in relationship. Growing up, Wendel and I paid less attention to whether we looked alike and more attention on making sure that whatever one of us received, the other […]

Phase 2: We’re Committed!

Phase 2 of a partnership marriage begins when the two of you commit to creating a future together. You take the plunge together, get engaged and commit to getting married. Phase 2 often extends into the first few years of marriage. As you look forward to your wedding day, you must learn to balance your […]

“Let’s have a conversation”

In my relationship with my wife, Martha, one of us often says to the other, “Let’s have a conversation about _______________(fill in the blank).  The topic might be money, a home improvement project, a family member, our summer vacation or some issue.  We’ll pull out our calendars and schedule a time to have a conversation. […]

I’d Be Happy If You Changed

I don’t know anyone who is married or in a long-term relationship who hasn’t thought at one time or another that they would be happier if their partner changed. If you haven’t had that thought, you’re a saint! “If my wife would only be on time more often, I’d be happy.” “If my husband would […]

Building a Future Together

Sometime after our third child was born in 1991, Martha and I sat down and created 50-year vision of our future. We imagined our three children going to college and each of them pursing their interests and work that they love. We envisioned traveling overseas and even talked about living in a foreign country at […]

Why I Never See the Laundry

This blog could also be entitled “Why My Wife Never Sees the Trash.”  Let me explain. One of the choices I made almost thirty-five years ago in my relationship with my wife, Martha, was that I would be responsible for taking out the trash. I like to take out the trash. I do it regularly […]

Healthy Marriage and Business Profitability

Turvey and Olson (2006) build the case that corporate executives have consistently underestimated importance of marriage and family wellness in affecting the financial success of their businesses. Their research shows that employees with healthy marriages can increase the long-term profitability of a company and that employees with failing marriages can do just the reverse. Their […]

Having Rules for Fighting Fair

Because having arguments and conflicts are natural occurrences in marriage, working out rules for “fair fighting” can be very important. Fighting fair means that both individuals have a mutual commitment to care for each other and their relationship when arguments arise. Emotions might get heated, differing viewpoints might get expressed and the conversation at hand […]

Negotiating Roles and Responsibilities

One of the unrelenting, day-to-day realities for many couples today is getting all of the household responsibilities done to the satisfaction of both parties. How a couple works out their household roles and responsibilities can be the source of frustration and conflict or it can be the expression of effective teamwork. It could be said […]

Creating an Intentional Marriage

Coontz (2005) writes that married couples today “need to be more intentional about their lives and about the reasons and the rituals that help them stay together.”  Doherty (2001) suggests that there are two kinds of marital commitment: The tentative commitment and the permanent commitment.  When couples make a tentative commitment, they are committed to […]