Scheduling a Partnership Meeting

Martha and I have very busy lives. All the couples I work with do too. We all do! A common complaint I hear couples saying is “Our lives are so busy, we never have time to sit down and talk to each other.” Making the time to sit down and talk with each other, to […]

Phase 3: Investing in Us

The central focus in Phase 3 of a partnership marriage turns to the personal growth and success of each individual and to that of the marriage itself. This stage of marriage often begins in the fourth or fifth year of marriage when a couple is busy raising children, managing dual careers, managing their home and […]

Transforming Pesky Problems

Sometimes, it is easy to think that a happy marriage is a problem-free marriage. Well, let’s check that out. Engage in the following little guided tour: Imagine being together over your entire lifetime. Envision all the things that are going to happen over the next 5, 15, 35 or 50+ years. Imagine all the bills […]

Resolving Conflict Responsibility

In a successful marriage, a couple learns to solve issues and problems effectively and, in so doing, they strengthen their marriage. Along the way, though, it is safe to say that they also periodically experience obstacles to effective conflict resolution. Here are just a few: Blaming your partner is most likely the greatest obstacle for […]

Finding Time to Talk

Early in our marriage, Martha and I would find ourselves going along just fine and then, all of sudden, we’d be in the middle of an argument about money, housework or home repairs that weren’t getting done. We’d get lost in the argument and attempt to solve the issue then and there and, as a […]

The Emotional Ecology of Marriage

In his research with over 2000 couples, John Gottman (1994) studied the patterns of interaction and the emotional ‘ecology’ of marital relationships. He discovered that, in stable and healthy marriages, couples engaged in approximately five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. He called this finding the ‘magic ratio’ and found it to be predictive […]

Calling a ‘Do Over’

You know those times in your marriage when everything is hunky dory and one of you starts a simple little conversation about something that is a little prickly. You are about to do something together like go out to dinner or go play tennis or visit friends and one of you says, “Our checking account […]