Should We Cohabitate?

In the past half century, there has been a dramatic increase in acceptance of alternative lifestyles to marriage for individuals living in the United States, including cohabitation, single parent families, gay and lesbian marriage, divorce and remarriage and step-families. According to a New York Times article by Meg Jay published in April 2012, cohabitating couples […]

I’d Be Happy If You Changed

I don’t know anyone who is married or in a long-term relationship who hasn’t thought at one time or another that they would be happier if their partner changed. If you haven’t had that thought, you’re a saint! “If my wife would only be on time more often, I’d be happy.” “If my husband would […]

Finding Time to Talk

Early in our marriage, Martha and I would find ourselves going along just fine and then, all of sudden, we’d be in the middle of an argument about money, housework or home repairs that weren’t getting done. We’d get lost in the argument and attempt to solve the issue then and there and, as a […]

Choosing Marriage on the Basis of Love

Prior to the eighteenth century in Western Europe and elsewhere around the globe, marriage between a man and a woman had little to do with lifelong loving companionship. What is more, a betrothed couple had little to say in the matter; it was often not even their choice to get married! In her research on […]

Building a Future Together

Sometime after our third child was born in 1991, Martha and I sat down and created 50-year vision of our future. We imagined our three children going to college and each of them pursing their interests and work that they love. We envisioned traveling overseas and even talked about living in a foreign country at […]

The Emotional Ecology of Marriage

In his research with over 2000 couples, John Gottman (1994) studied the patterns of interaction and the emotional ‘ecology’ of marital relationships. He discovered that, in stable and healthy marriages, couples engaged in approximately five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. He called this finding the ‘magic ratio’ and found it to be predictive […]

Creating a Vision Statement

This is an exercise that will help you and your partner to create a very succinct statement about what is important to your relationship. This exercise was adapted from the work of Harrold (2001). Step 1: In this part of the exercise, consider the following questions together. Simply have a conversation as you consider the […]

Why I Never See the Laundry

This blog could also be entitled “Why My Wife Never Sees the Trash.”  Let me explain. One of the choices I made almost thirty-five years ago in my relationship with my wife, Martha, was that I would be responsible for taking out the trash. I like to take out the trash. I do it regularly […]

Healthy Marriage and Business Profitability

Turvey and Olson (2006) build the case that corporate executives have consistently underestimated importance of marriage and family wellness in affecting the financial success of their businesses. Their research shows that employees with healthy marriages can increase the long-term profitability of a company and that employees with failing marriages can do just the reverse. Their […]

Communicating with Compassion

Marshall Rosenberg (2005) examined the role that language plays in helping people to be compassionate with each other when communicating their needs, wants and requests of each other.  He says that when human beings are communicating from the heart and connecting authentically with each other they are communicating with compassion. He is interested in how […]