Happiness in Partnership

In their new book, The Normal Bar, Northrup, Schwartz, and Witte (2012) developed an interactive, on-line relationship survey that asked people hundreds of questions about their primary love relationships. They collected data on romance, sex, dating, money, household tasks, compatibility, etc., from over 70,000 people in many different countries worldwide. They were interested in a […]

How Much Play Do You Have in Your Marriage?

Many couples today are challenged with balancing work and life. When Martha and I are feeling out of balance, the first casualty is our playfulness. When the demands of our work and the commitments we’ve made put us into overwhelm, often what gets crowded out is play. When we step back, get a little perspective […]

What Husbands Want in Marriage

Have you ever wanted to know what husbands really want in their marriages with their wives? Neil Chethik (2006) in his book, Voice Male, presented the results of his interviews with 70 husbands and surveys with another 280 husbands to find out. Most husbands whom he interviewed: Considered their relationships with their wife as most […]

A Poem by e.e. cummings

The poem below by e.e. cummings is my favorite love poem. I was thinking about my 42 years with Martha the other day.  When she got her Ph.D. a couple of years ago, she manifested not only her vision for her life, but also my vision for her. Martha has always has been at my […]

Childhood Lessons in Equality

I was born an identical twin, one of two. My childhood and early teenage years orbited around my relationship with my twin brother, Wendel. We were “the twins,” a twosome, a couple, before we became individuals. As young adults, we went to very different colleges, moved to different areas of the country, pursued different careers […]

Transforming Pesky Problems

Sometimes, it is easy to think that a happy marriage is a problem-free marriage. Well, let’s check that out. Engage in the following little guided tour: Imagine being together over your entire lifetime. Envision all the things that are going to happen over the next 5, 15, 35 or 50+ years. Imagine all the bills […]

Enjoying Each Other’s Company

Many married couples today have very busy and demanding lives juggling two careers, attending to their family and managing numerous other responsibilities. Doherty (2001) suggests that couples must continually find ways to foster their connection with each other. Successful couples put connecting with each other high on their priority list. Doherty (2001) suggests that there […]

Resolving Conflict Responsibility

In a successful marriage, a couple learns to solve issues and problems effectively and, in so doing, they strengthen their marriage. Along the way, though, it is safe to say that they also periodically experience obstacles to effective conflict resolution. Here are just a few: Blaming your partner is most likely the greatest obstacle for […]

Exploring Ideas about Marriage

We all have different ideas and notions about marriage. We form beliefs and judgments about marriage by what we watch on television and at the movies, by what we read in newspapers and magazines and by witnessing the success or failure of the marriages of our own parents, family members and friends. We form all […]

Partnership: A Missing Conversation in Marriage?

When I go into a bookstore and pick up books on marriage, I will often go right to the index to see if I can find the word “partnership”. It always surprises me when that word is not there. When I go on the Internet and search for “partnership,” I find many links to websites […]