Stupid Fights

Martha and I have been married for over 41 years. In that time, we have had some pretty stupid fights. Of course, our arguments are never stupid when we are in the middle of them; they’re only stupid after the fights are over and we’ve had time to reflect. There was the time early in […]

Phase 3: Investing in Us

The central focus in Phase 3 of a partnership marriage turns to the personal growth and success of each individual and to that of the marriage itself. This stage of marriage often begins in the fourth or fifth year of marriage when a couple is busy raising children, managing dual careers, managing their home and […]

Resolving Conflict Responsibility

In a successful marriage, a couple learns to solve issues and problems effectively and, in so doing, they strengthen their marriage. Along the way, though, it is safe to say that they also periodically experience obstacles to effective conflict resolution. Here are just a few: Blaming your partner is most likely the greatest obstacle for […]

Finding Time to Talk

Early in our marriage, Martha and I would find ourselves going along just fine and then, all of sudden, we’d be in the middle of an argument about money, housework or home repairs that weren’t getting done. We’d get lost in the argument and attempt to solve the issue then and there and, as a […]

The Emotional Ecology of Marriage

In his research with over 2000 couples, John Gottman (1994) studied the patterns of interaction and the emotional ‘ecology’ of marital relationships. He discovered that, in stable and healthy marriages, couples engaged in approximately five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. He called this finding the ‘magic ratio’ and found it to be predictive […]