The Art of Negotiating Household Tasks

The art of negotiating household chores starts with a commitment to teamwork, workability and effectiveness. You and your partner simply need a piece of paper, a pen, and time set aside to talk to each other. If you follow the following guidelines for negotiating household activities, you may find yourselves with a lot more time, […]

Creating Balance in Your Busy Lives

For many couples, life can seem out of balance at times. You and your partner may feel that you have too much on your plate and not enough time in the day to get everything done. Managing all your responsibilities and commitments can crowd out your commitment to the quality of your relationship and the […]

Creating Fairness in Marriage

I learned many lessons about being a good husband and partner in marriage growing up with my twin brother, Wendel. One of them was about fairness in relationship. Growing up, Wendel and I paid less attention to whether we looked alike and more attention on making sure that whatever one of us received, the other […]

Phase 2: We’re Committed!

Phase 2 of a partnership marriage begins when the two of you commit to creating a future together. You take the plunge together, get engaged and commit to getting married. Phase 2 often extends into the first few years of marriage. As you look forward to your wedding day, you must learn to balance your […]

“Let’s…”

When we were boys, my twin brother, Wendel, and I always found things to do together. “Let’s play tennis.” “Let’s play catch.” “Let’s ride our bicycles.” “Let’s go to the store and get some baseball cards.” We were always finding ways to play together. Wendel or I would suggest something to do by saying “Let’s…” […]

Assessing Partnership in your Marriage

The following is a tool that you and your spouse can use to get a sense of the degree of partnership in different areas of your life.  First, find some time in your calendars to have this conversation. Get together and talk about how you know when your partnership is strong. For instance, you both […]

“Let’s have a conversation”

In my relationship with my wife, Martha, one of us often says to the other, “Let’s have a conversation about _______________(fill in the blank).  The topic might be money, a home improvement project, a family member, our summer vacation or some issue.  We’ll pull out our calendars and schedule a time to have a conversation. […]

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I am looking forward to being together with family and eating bountifully. As usual, this holiday comes at a very busy time of the year for Martha and me and reminds me just how seldom I give thanks for anything, let alone the wonderful life we have. Martha, I […]

Radical Conversations that Have Shaped Marriage

In the last two hundred and fifty years, societal conversations in the United States, all considered radical at an earlier time, have transformed the institution of marriage. Briefly, here are a few: Individual choice. The Age of Enlightenment in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries influenced relations between men and women in radical ways. Reason trumped […]

Childhood Lessons in Equality

I was born an identical twin, one of two. My childhood and early teenage years orbited around my relationship with my twin brother, Wendel. We were “the twins,” a twosome, a couple, before we became individuals. As young adults, we went to very different colleges, moved to different areas of the country, pursued different careers […]