Supporting Growth and Development

One of the ideals in a partnership marriage is that both individuals can fulfill their commitment to self-expression, personal growth and life goals inside of marriage today. Most couples recognize that they must continually grow and develop throughout their life together or their marriage will stagnate. That, however, requires a commitment from both partners to support each other’s personal and professional growth and development as well as that of their relationship and their marriage. Today, this is the challenge in creating a fulfilling marriage over a lifetime.

In the 1970s, marriage was redefined in the courts as a relationship between two equal human beings. New views of human development across the life span altered the way in which people thought about their own personal and professional development. Also, many people were awakening to their self-development in the new human potential movement. The prevalent value of growing and developing across a lifetime put new pressures on marriage to be a vehicle for personal fulfillment for both individuals.

Cherlin (2009) suggests that today there are two completing cultural models in America, the value of marriage as a stable form of family life and the value of expressive individualism which emphasizes the development of one’s sense of self. He suggests that these conflicting cultural models have contributed to the high divorce rate that we have seen in this country over the past forty years. A vast majority of people value marriage greatly, yet, they know that if they are not growing, self-expressed or happy inside their marriage, they can end their marriage in divorce.

A commitment to creating a partnership marriage resolves the seemingly inherent conflict between the values of marriage and individualism. Partnership marriage requires the focus for both spouses on their own growth and development as well as that of their relationship. One’s individualism does not have to be sacrificed for the sake of one’s partnership. Also, partnership in one’s marriage does not have to be sacrificed for the sake of one’s individualism. Each person’s growth and development can be nurtured and supported by their marriage and, thus, the marriage itself grows and develops!

Reference

Cherlin, A.J. (2009). The Marriage-Go-Round: The state of marriage and family in America today. New York: Alfred A. Knopf.

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