Scheduling a Partnership Meeting

Martha and I have very busy lives. All the couples I work with do too. We all do! A common complaint I hear couples saying is “Our lives are so busy, we never have time to sit down and talk to each other.”

Making the time to sit down and talk with each other, to resolve difficulties or to have conversations about your interests or your future is a commitment to the quality of your relationship. Everything else will seem more important, it you don’t make that commitment and then be committed to it!

When I work with couples, I ask them to make the quality of their relationship a high priority in their marriage. That’s a start.

When we get talking, often I hear that problems arise because one person in the relationship bring ups an issue, a problem or even an idea for the future at a time when the other person isn’t ready to have that conversation. “I don’t have time to talk about that right now.”

When I bring up plans for the weekend when Martha is writing an article for her newsletter, it’s not the right time. When Martha brings up the need for car maintenance, while I’m watching the Red Sox game, it’s not the right time to talk about that.

In the morning, when you are getting ready for work and the kids off to school or, in the evening, when you are preparing dinner and engaged in the evening routine, the time never seems right to talk about issues, the future or anything!

I call these attempts to have important conversations in the flow of our busy lives “drive by” conversations. There isn’t time for them.

What to do you do?

First get committed to the quality of your relationship and the effectiveness of your teamwork. Then, build in the time in your calendars and the space in your busy lives to sit down to talk about what you need to talk about.

For years, Martha and I have scheduled 30 to 60 minute “partnership meetings” every week so that we cab talk about the myriad of things that we need to talk about! Sunday mornings or evenings have often worked for us. During the week, when either one of us have something we both need to talk about, we put that topic on the agenda for our next partnership meeting.

Recommendations for your partnership meetings:

• It works to have an agreed-upon time in your week that is set aside for such meetings. What time would work for both of you?
• How much time do you need, that is both long enough and free enough from outside distractions to allow for an effective conversation(s)?
• Find a mutually agreeable location that will support your meeting. Where is there a place in your home which helps you feel empowered to work effectively on an issue or project?
• Bring your schedule, your phone or your computer for planning purposes.
• Bring a pad of paper to write on. Martha and I use an easel and a large pad of paper sometimes. We’ve been known to have large easel paper plastered all over our dining room walls at the end of a partnership meeting.
• Create a specific agenda before you start your meeting so you can focus your discussion on your agenda items and stay on track.
• If you need to, discuss ground rules that will support you in having an effective conversation with each other. For instance, agree that there is nothing wrong, agree to disagree and/or agree to be respectful of each other’s points of view. Also, if other issues or topics of conversation arise, you can agree to discuss those issues at another time.
• It is a good idea to turn off your cell phones. Do not answer your home phone and structure your time in a way that leaves you both free from distraction.
• Whether you are addressing a problem, scheduling a date for the weekend or working on a house project, note the actions you commit to. Set up a way to be accountable for what you say you’re going to do.
• Schedule your next partnership meeting. Plan to review what actions have been taken, what actions were not taken and review accomplishments the next time you meet.

We taught out children, when they were little, that Mommy and Daddy had times when they needed to talk about things and did not want to be interrupted. It was our job to teach them to find something to do if we were in our partnership meeting.

For years, it has worked for us to schedule a time and a place each week when we can converse about anything and everything that impacts the quality of our lives. We always know we have a time and a place set aside to converse with each other. We don’t have to engage in “drive by” conversations when neither one of us have the time or the space for them.

We enjoy our partnership meetings! We enjoy taking care of what needs to be done so that issues get resolved, projects are fulfilled and the quality of our relationship is nurtured. Now, get your calendars out and schedule your next partnership meeting.

Posted in Partnership Marriage