Making an Important Life Choice
When you and your spouse have an important choice to make that will have major ramifications for your lives, give yourselves ample time to clarify and align on each specific scenario that you are considering. Using separate pieces of paper or large flip chart paper, write down each of the scenarios you are considering at the top of different sheets of paper. For instance, when buying a new home, your three scenarios might be to buy a colonial home in the suburbs, to buy a Victorian home in the city or to simply stay and redecorate your country house. Draw a line down each page making two columns for considering the “pros” and “cons” of each scenario.
Once you have identified the scenarios of the choice you are making (e.g, where to live), discuss all the “pros” and the “cons” of each scenario. It is important that you allow yourselves to say anything and everything you need to say in this process. Under each scenario, list all the positive aspects (pros) and all the negative aspects (cons) of choosing each scenario. Giving yourselves permission to express your deepest fears, persistent worries and greatest hopes allows you to be honest, truthful and fully self-expressed. When all the pros and cons have been communicated for each scenario, sit back and consider your choice together: “Which possible future are we going to choose?”
Choosing after complete consideration of all the pros and cons of each future scenario is a very powerful act. When you have taken the time to make the choice deliberately and consciously in partnership, it will be easier for you both to accept and deal with any difficulties that arise after you have committed to one particular future. There will be less regret or remorse over life paths not taken. Take some time and share with each other both your enthusiasm and your fears about the new path you have chosen for your lives together.
If it is hard for you to make the choice together, it is advisable that you continue to discuss your hopes, desires and concerns for various scenarios. You can put off making any commitment until some later time after additional thought, consideration and discussion. By giving yourselves more time and by not forcing the choice when you find yourselves not aligned, you may discover other possible life paths you can consider. Important choices and commitments require your time, energy and dedication to arrive at a choice with which you can both be happy and for which you can both be responsible.
Posted in Partnership Marriage
