Keeping Intimacy Alive
As years go by, many couples discover that the intimacy they experienced in the first several years of their marriage doesn’t last forever. Chapman (2004) suggests that the “falling in love” kind of love is not real love at all. He says that “real love” recognizes the need for growth, takes effort and discipline and requires choice on the part of both persons in the marriage.
Chapman (2004) suggests that couples who are successful understand that each person has a different way of expressing their love. Couples who keep real love alive in their marriage learn their spouse’s preferred “love language” and then express their love in their partner’s language of love. He suggests that people speak five basic languages of love:
- Words of affirmation and appreciation
- Quality time and shared interests
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
Chapman (2004) has found it valuable for couples to discover each other’s preferred language of love. By taking the time to identify each other’s preferred language of love and then fulfilling each other’s intimacy needs consciously, you will keep the spark alive in your marriage.
Have a conversation to explore the importance of appreciation, quality time together, gifts, acts of service and physical touch in keeping intimacy alive in your marriage. Use the following questions:
- How important is appreciation in our marriage?
- What do I appreciate about you?
- What do I appreciate about our relationship?
- How important is quality time together in our marriage?
- What kind of quality time is most important for us?
- How important is giving each other gifts in our marriage?
- What is important about giving gifts to each other?
- How important are acts of service in your marriage?
- What kinds of acts of service are most important?
- What is important about acts of service in our marriage?
- How important is physical touch in our marriage?
- What is important about physical touch in our marriage?
Reference
Chapman, G. (2004). The five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.
Posted in Partnership Marriage
