Archive for 'Partnership Marriage'

Keeping Intimacy Alive

As years go by, many couples discover that the intimacy they experienced in the first several years of their marriage doesn’t last forever. Chapman (2004) suggests that the “falling in love” kind of love is not real love at all. He says that “real love” recognizes the need for growth, takes effort and discipline and […]

The Power of a Promise

“I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made […]

Radical Conversations that Have Shaped Marriage

In the last two hundred and fifty years, societal conversations in the United States, all considered radical at an earlier time, have transformed the institution of marriage. Briefly, here are a few: Individual choice. The Age of Enlightenment in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries influenced relations between men and women in radical ways. Reason trumped […]

Living a Valued Life

Whitworth, Kimsey-House, & Sandahl (1998) wrote that a valued life is a fulfilling life and living such a life is a “radical act.” When one thinks of the word “radical,” one thinks of going to an extreme, but this is not what is meant in this context. The dictionary definition of radical, as an adjective, […]

Happiness in Partnership

In their new book, The Normal Bar, Northrup, Schwartz, and Witte (2012) developed an interactive, on-line relationship survey that asked people hundreds of questions about their primary love relationships. They collected data on romance, sex, dating, money, household tasks, compatibility, etc., from over 70,000 people in many different countries worldwide. They were interested in a […]

How Much Play Do You Have in Your Marriage?

Many couples today are challenged with balancing work and life. When Martha and I are feeling out of balance, the first casualty is our playfulness. When the demands of our work and the commitments we’ve made put us into overwhelm, often what gets crowded out is play. When we step back, get a little perspective […]

What Husbands Want in Marriage

Have you ever wanted to know what husbands really want in their marriages with their wives? Neil Chethik (2006) in his book, Voice Male, presented the results of his interviews with 70 husbands and surveys with another 280 husbands to find out. Most husbands whom he interviewed: Considered their relationships with their wife as most […]

A Poem by e.e. cummings

The poem below by e.e. cummings is my favorite love poem. I was thinking about my 42 years with Martha the other day.  When she got her Ph.D. a couple of years ago, she manifested not only her vision for her life, but also my vision for her. Martha has always has been at my […]

Childhood Lessons in Equality

I was born an identical twin, one of two. My childhood and early teenage years orbited around my relationship with my twin brother, Wendel. We were “the twins,” a twosome, a couple, before we became individuals. As young adults, we went to very different colleges, moved to different areas of the country, pursued different careers […]

Transforming Pesky Problems

Sometimes, it is easy to think that a happy marriage is a problem-free marriage. Well, let’s check that out. Engage in the following little guided tour: Imagine being together over your entire lifetime. Envision all the things that are going to happen over the next 5, 15, 35 or 50+ years. Imagine all the bills […]