Calling a ‘Do Over’
You know those times in your marriage when everything is hunky dory and one of you starts a simple little conversation about something that is a little prickly. You are about to do something together like go out to dinner or go play tennis or visit friends and one of you says, “Our checking account is almost out of money, we need to be better at budgeting.” Or, “Johnny failed his test yesterday.” Or, “When are you going to clean the garage?” That simple little statement or question launches you both into an argument that completely takes you away from what you were about to do and you find yourselves bickering and arguing with each other. My wife, Martha, and I, have learned to call a ‘Do over’ when that happens to have us refocus on what we are committed to in that moment and be able to shelve the issue for a later date.
Martha and I celebrated our thirtieth wedding anniversary while we were living in Amsterdam. It was August 10, 2004. For weeks we looked forward to this special day as we were planning to go out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants. That evening, we got all gussied up and, as we were putting our coats on to go out the door, one of us said something (I don’t remember what) that sparked bickering back and forth. It could have been an issue with one of our children, a concern about money or who was going to go shopping for food in the morning.
We bickered down the stairs, out the door, across the street, all the way to the tram stop where we were catching the city tram to go to the restaurant. We were lost in bickering. I was quite certain that I was right about whatever I was saying and Martha was quite certain she was right about what she was saying. We were so occupied in our verbal sword fight that we had lost track of the whole purpose of what we were doing. We stood there at the tram stop arguing about that very insignificant and ridiculous issue as the tram pulled up and opened its doors.
At that moment, we were both jettisoned back to the present moment. We stood there, looking at each other, as the tram doors beckoned. We simultaneously saw the folly of our situation. We were heading out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary and we were knee deep in a pile of verbal do-do. There was a long pause. Then, as if by magical combustion, we conjured up a very radical and completely silly idea in our momentary lunacy. We called, “Do over!”
We turned away as the doors closed and the tram pulled away from the stop and we walked in silence back toward our apartment. We crossed the street, climbed the stairs to our second-floor apartment, unlocked the door and went upstairs into the living room to the very spot where we had started bickering. We briefly stood with each other in silence, breaking into wide smiles.
We hugged and then turned once again toward the door this time hand in hand to head out into an evening where we would celebrate both thirty wonderful years of marriage and one small victory over the kind of righteousness that puts an end to a perfectly planned special occasion!
Next time you find yourselves in one of those verbal sword fights, call a ‘Do over!’
Posted in Partnership Marriage
