Often we take our most precious asset, our relationship with our partner or spouse, for granted. In our hectic and busy lives it’s easy to forget the nurture the relationship that is most important to us. We long for a deep loving connection with our partner. Attending the Connections to Us, Mining the Gold Tele-seminar is taking a step toward connecting powerfully with your relationship with your spouse and/or partner.

Program Information:

• Intention: This tele-seminar is designed for people who are married or in a committed relationship and who want to enhance and deepen their connection with each other.
• Schedule: Six 90-minute phone sessions from May 6 – June 17, 2014 (six sessions) Tuesday evenings from 7:00 – 8:30 pm EST. We will not be meeting on May 20.
• Format: This course is open to a maximum 12 people. Couples are encouraged. Each session will cover a specific topic. There will be material, exercises, sharing and facilitated inquiry. Homework will be given between sessions.
• Cost: $360.00 per person. If you participate as an individual, your partner and/or spouse is free join the tele-seminar at anytime. If you register as a couple, only one of you will pay the cost of the tele-seminar program.
• Registration: Email Joanie Yanusas at coachjoanie@joanieyanusas.com and/or call her at 814-777-0410.

The Connecting to Us, Mining the Gold Tele-seminar:

• Is conducted in a safe and supportive environment where all participants sharing will be confidential.
• Is structured in a way so you don’t have to travel and can participate from privacy of your home.
• Offers an affordable way to get support and coaching to enhance the quality of your marriage or committed relationship.
• Gives you the tools to create the nurturing relationship with your partner and the kind of relationship you want to have.
• Provides a way for you to be in communication directly with the seminar leaders throughout the program.
• Gives you access to a private Connecting to Us Facebook page where you will be able to share with other participants in the course.

Focus of Each of the Six Sessions:

• Session 1: We will focus on why keeping your connection alive and vibrant in your relationship is one of the best investments you can make.
• Session 2: We will focus on what’s important in your relationship and how when you honor your shared values, you nurture your connection with each other.
• Session 3: We will focus on the power of listening to and understanding each other as a key to nurturing your relationship and to re-connecting when you feel disconnected.
• Session 4: We will focus on you communicating compassionately with each other so you can resolve issues effectively and be able to work together to meet each other’s needs.
• Session 5: We will focus on your creating a short-term vision of your life together.
• Session 6: We will focus on the power of appreciation and gratitude in keeping your connection with each other alive and vibrant.

The Leaders of the Tele-seminar:

Joanie Yanusas, CPCC – Joanie is a Certified Relationship Coach and Retreat Leader. Joanie strives to help you get what you want in life and she specializes in working with relationships. She explores the differences in the ways we think, act and communicate. She offers simple, partnership strategies for men and women to improve their communication and intimacy by paying attention to when they talk, how they talk, and what they listen for. Most importantly, what she shares with you always comes from her heart. She gets under your skin in a most loving and supporting kind of way. You can visit Joanie’s website at www.joanieyanusas.com.

Andrew L. Miser, Ph.D. – Andy is founder and principal of The Partnership Marriage, a Boston coaching firm with a specialty in helping couples create a fulfilling and enduring partnership in their marriage. His book, The Partnership Marriage: Creating the Life You Love…Together, is scheduled for publication in the spring of 2014. You can sign up for Andy’s free, twice-monthly newsletter, The Partnership Marriage at Andy’s website: www.partnershipmarriage.com.

I looked up the dictionary definition of marriage today. “Marriage is the formal union of a man and a woman, usually recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.”

My next thought was that definition is going to have to change in the coming years. “Marriage is the formal union of two people, usually recognized by law.”

Is that it? That doesn’t tell me much about what marriage is. That definition doesn’t tell me that when two people marry, they do so because they love each other or that they want to live the rest of their lives together.

That definition doesn’t tell me anything about the purpose of such a formal union. What is the purpose of marriage? Raising children? Building wealth? Finding happiness? Being fulfilled? Sharing a lifetime together? All of these?

Whatever the purpose of your marriage, it works to have a loving partner who is aligned with you in your values and your vision. A partner is an ally, a teammate or a colleague, someone who works with you to achieve joint goals or shared dreams. With a partner, you can create your life, cooperate with each other and share accomplishments.

It is always funny to me when I read in the paper that someone divorced their “partner.” Usually, by the time two people are getting a divorce, they are no longer partners. By that time, there is no partnership, teamwork or loving connection.

Whatever your purpose, your values, your vision or your lifestyle, consider this definition of marriage: “Marriage is a formal union and loving partnership between two people, usually recognized by law.”

Yes, what I have with my wife, Martha, is a formal union, recognized by law. But much more importantly, we have a loving partnership.

Reference

Webster’s New World Dictionary of the American Language, College Edition. (1957) New York: The World Publishing Company.

This couple has joined Martha and me for breakfast, lunch and dinner for almost 40 years.  They add zip, pizzazz and seasoning to everything they touch. That’s why they are this week’s featured couple.

In my relationship with my wife, Martha, one of us often says to the other, “Let’s have a conversation about _______________(fill in the blank).  The topic might be money, a home improvement project, a family member, our summer vacation or some issue.  We’ll pull out our calendars and schedule a time to have a conversation.

Earlier in our marriage, the invitation to talk sounded more like, “We need to communicate.” Even to this day, whenever one of us says that, we both know something is “wrong” and neither of us feel like talking.  We want to run the other way.  When this happens, whatever we “need” to talk about feels burdensome, significant and not much fun.

One of the things that we have learned to do in our relationship is to approach the circumstances of life, whatever they are, from the framework that there is nothing inherently wrong.  There may be something that isn’t working, but that is a whole lot different than something is wrong.

When we can look at any aspect of our lives from the framework of what’s working and not working, something amazing happens.  We step into teamwork and partnership.  We step onto the same playing field of life where we can work together.  There is greater freedom for one of us to say, “Let’s have a conversation about ____________”  without our partner wanting to run.

I’ve been thinking about what a conversation is.  Defined, a conversation is “an informal exchange of ideas.”  Whenever Martha and I are having a conversation, we are both listening to and hearing each other’s ideas, thoughts, feelings and opinions. I’ve also been thinking about what allows us to enjoy conversing with each other.  Here is what I came up with:

• We love any opportunity to be with each other where we feel we can “talk with,” rather than “talk at” each other.
• We hold each other as having an equal contribution in the conversation.
• We connect around what’s important to us
• We respect each other’s point of view
• We enjoy being jointly responsible for what’s happening in our lives
• We give each other permission to share ideas as well as bring up concerns
• We intend that the result of the conversation (being together) will be mutually satisfying
• We like to make plans of action to resolve problems, fulfill our joint intentions or manifest the visions we have for our life together

We know that when one of us says, “Let’s have a conversation,” we are sending an invitation to the other to connect, to hang out and to enjoy each other.  “We’ve got to talk” or “I’ve got something to communicate to you” never feels inviting.  There’s a problem.  There’s something wrong somewhere.

When you look in the dictionary, “con” means with and “verse” means a unit of lines in a poem or a song, a numbered division of chapters in the Bible or a passage in an anthem.  When you can converse with each other, you might just hear what you say to each other as poetic, musical or spiritual, bringing you closer together in your marriage. And that’s fun!

The days are getting longer.  The snow is melting.  The temperature is a little warmer.  And the baseball season is around the corner.  Here is my next featured couple!

I will be co-leading the Connecting to Us Tele-seminar with Joanie Yanusas, starting on March 19th. Joanie is a Certified Relationship Coach who offers simple, partnership strategies for men and women to improve their communication and intimacy.

Here is the program information:

• Intention: This tele-seminar is designed for people who are married or in a committed relationship and who want to enhance and deepen their connection with each other.
• Schedule: Six 90-minute phone sessions from March 19 – April 23, 2014 (six weeks) Wednesday evenings from 7:00 – 8:30 pm EST.
• Format: This course is open to a maximum 12 people. Couples are encouraged. Each session will cover a specific topic. There will be material, exercises, sharing and facilitated inquiry. Homework will be given between sessions.
• Cost: $360.00 per person. If you participate as an individual, your partner and/or spouse is free to join the tele-seminar at anytime. If you register as a couple, only one of you will pay the cost of the tele-seminar program.

The Connecting to Us Tele-seminar:

• Is conducted in a safe and supportive environment where all participants sharing will be confidential.
• Is structured in a way so you don’t have to travel and can participate from privacy of your home.
• Offers an affordable way to get support and coaching to enhance the quality of your marriage or committed relationship.
• Gives you the tools to create a nurturing relationship with your partner and the kind of relationship you want to have.
• Provides a way for you to be in communication directly with the seminar leaders throughout the program.
• Gives you access to a private Connecting to Us Facebook page where you will be able to share with other participants in the course.

Registration:

If you wish to register, email Joanie at coachjoanie@joanieyanusas.com and/or call her at 814-777-0410.

I hope you’ll join us!

Eli J. Finkel, a professor of psychology at Northwestern University, wrote an opinion piece for the New York Times that was published on Valentine’s Day. He was looking at the state of marriage today. As a result of his extensive research, he found that, if you look at marital satisfaction and divorce rate statistics, the average marriage is not as strong as marriages in the past.

Today, though, the best marriages are healthier and stronger than those of a generation ago. He also found that the gap between the quality of life of couples in great marriages and those in mediocre marriages is widening.

His major conclusion is that couples who regularly attend to the quality of their partnership over the long haul can achieve high levels of marital satisfaction and share a fulfilling life together. Those married couples who don’t, likely won’t. Marriage, he concludes, is an “all or nothing” proposition.

I refer this as being committed to your original commitment in marriage. In the scheme of things, it is relatively easy to say, “I do.” It is a whole lot harder to stay committed to the quality of your marriage day in and day out over a lifetime.

When I work with couples, I will often ask them to give me a sense of their marriage by standing up and positioning themselves on a large rug that represents their marriage. More often than not, one or both of them will have one foot on the rug and one foot off the rug.

It becomes painfully obvious to the couple that they don’t have all four of their feet in their marriage. I suggest to them that having any part of themselves out of their marriage, even if it’s only a big toe, won’t work in having a happy and successful marriage. I find couples in this state are not fully committed to their commitment and, as a result, they report their marriage being, what Finkel calls, mediocre: Little satisfaction, no fulfillment and not very happy.

When you and your spouse are fully committed to the quality of your shared life and committed to your marriage, the sky is the limit. Invest your time and energy in your partnership. Whatever you dream will be within your reach. Whatever you envision, you can achieve.

Reference

Finkel, E.J. (2013). I hate it when you… The New York Times https://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/10/opinion/sunday/a-valentines-day-gift-to-save-a-marriage.html

Do you remember these candies? I used to love to give them to all my friends in grade school.  I found them at CVS this morning and they immediately became the next featured couple!

Happy Valentines Day!

I am happy to be announcing the Connecting to Us Tele-seminar that I will be co-leading with Joanie Yanusas, starting on March 19th. I have included program information below.

Often we take our most precious asset, our relationship with our partner or spouse, for granted. In our hectic and busy lives it’s easy to forget to nurture the relationship that is most important to us. We long for a deep loving connection with our partner. Attending the Connecting to Us Tele-seminar is taking a step toward connecting powerfully with your spouse and/or partner.

Program Information:

• Intention: This tele-seminar is designed for people who are married or in a committed relationship and who want to enhance and deepen their connection with each other.
• Schedule: Six 90-minute phone sessions from March 19 – April 23, 2014 (six weeks) Wednesday evenings from 7:00 – 8:30 pm EST.
• Format: This course is open to a maximum 12 people. Couples are encouraged. Each session will cover a specific topic. There will be material, exercises, sharing and facilitated inquiry. Homework will be given between sessions.
• Cost: $360.00 per person.  If you participate as an individual, your partner and/or spouse is free to join the tele-seminar at anytime. If you register as a couple, only one of you will pay the cost of the tele-seminar program.
• Registration: Email Joanie Yanusas at coachjoanie@joanieyanusas.com and/or call her at 814-777-0410.

The Connecting to Us Tele-seminar:

• Is conducted in a safe and supportive environment where all participants sharing will be confidential.
• Is structured in a way so you don’t have to travel and can participate from privacy of your home.
• Offers an affordable way to get support and coaching to enhance the quality of your marriage or committed relationship.
• Gives you the tools to create a nurturing relationship with your partner and the kind of relationship you want to have.
• Provides a way for you to be in communication directly with the seminar leaders throughout the program.
• Gives you access to a private Connecting to Us Facebook page where you will be able to share with other participants in the course.

Focus of Each of the Six Sessions:

• Session 1: You will focus on why keeping your connection alive and vibrant in your relationship is one of the best investments you can make.
• Session 2: You will look at what’s important to you in your relationship and how, when you honor your shared values, you nurture your connection with each other.
• Session 3: You will examine on the power of listening to and understanding each other as a key to nurturing your relationship and to re-connecting when you feel disconnected.
• Session 4: You will focus on communicating compassionately with each other so you can resolve issues effectively and be able to work together to meet each other’s needs.
• Session 5: You will create a short-term vision of your life together.
• Session 6: You will focus on the power of appreciation and gratitude in keeping your connection with each other alive and vibrant.

The Leaders of the Tele-seminar:

Joanie Yanusas, CPCC – Joanie is a Certified Relationship Coach and Retreat Leader. Joanie strives to help you get what you want in life and she specializes in working with relationships. She offers simple, partnership strategies for men and women to improve their communication and intimacy by paying attention to when they talk, how they talk, and what they listen for. Most importantly, what she shares with you always comes from her heart. You can visit Joanie’s website at www.joanieyanusas.com.

Andrew L. Miser, Ph.D. – Andy is founder and principal of The Partnership Marriage, a Boston coaching firm with a specialty in helping couples create a fulfilling and enduring partnership in their marriage. You can sign up for Andy’s free, twice-monthly newsletter, The Partnership Marriage at Andy’s website: www.partnershipmarriage.com.

It has been so cold this winter!  I saw these in my closet this morning and they instantly became the featured couple in the spotlight today!