Being Aware of Unwitting Perspectives
In a committed relationship, couples unwittingly adopt joint perspectives or ways of seeing their world together that have great impact on the quality of their relationship. Some couples view their lives together through a joint perspective that they are sharing an exciting adventure. There are couples that view their relationship as hard work requiring much effort, while other couples see their relationship as easy and carefree. Still, other couples view their relationship as being a problem that needs to be fixed. These perspectives are not necessarily permanent; in fact, couples can find themselves shifting perspectives about their relationship at different points in their journey together. The point is that whatever perspective the couple has adopted for their lives and relationship will impact their experience of living and shape the very reality they share at that time.
Synonyms of “unwitting” include unknowing, unintentional, inadvertent, unthinking, unmeant, unpremeditated, unplanned for, unexpected, involuntary and without consent. An unwitting perspective is an undistinguished perspective that is shaping the worldview of the couple. It is a point of view that is limiting what they see as possible and, as a result, is constraining their action. Such an unwitting viewpoint, since it is unintentional, unknown and inadvertent, holds great sway in the relationship without the couple being aware of it. All that the couple may know is that things in their relationship are not working as well as they would like them to.
An unwitting perspective is like wearing a pair of rose-colored glasses without recognizing that the circumstances have a rose-colored tint to them. It is like a filter that only allows information through that conforms to its framework. “We have to work hard in life to get ahead.” “We never have any time to do what we really want to do.” “We can never do anything spontaneous.” “Money is scarce.” Such frameworks, when they operate outside awareness have powerful impact on the lives of two people in a committed relationship.
Couples who are committed to bringing partnership fully into their lives work together to become aware of unwitting perspectives that keep a lid on what is possible for them. To be jointly aware that there are unwitting perspectives at play in the dynamics of their relationship can give a couple great power in not being stopped or hindered in having the life they envision together. By becoming cognizant of and being responsible for unwitting perspectives, a couple can then co-invent new empowering perspectives that give them access to a new level of possibility, partnership and passion.
Posted in Partnership Marriage
