What Basketball Teaches Us About Marriage
Whenever I start working with a couple, I let them know that I am committed to the quality of their connection with each other, their teamwork and their partnership over time. If I were a basketball coach, I’d be committed to the same thing.
What can we learn from the game of basketball in this regard?
- Connection: How well a basketball team plays together on the court can have everything to do with their team chemistry, their team spirit. Are they friends? Do they respect each other? Do they practice good sportsmanship? Are they organized around a set of values for their team play? Are they committed to quality play on the court and winning games?
- Teamwork: Winning basketball games has to do with how well the team works together, practices together and coordinates their play in the game so that they are successful. A team routinely works on patterns of ball movement up the court (dribbling, passing, moving without the ball, etc.) to be effective at scoring baskets. They also work on defensive strategies to limit the scoring of their opponents. They work together for the benefit of the whole team. The players know they either win together or they lose together.
- Partnership: Being effective over the long haul, say, during the course of the whole season, a team works in partnership to consistently play well, win games and compete with excellence. They are aligned in what they want to accomplish. They may have a shared vision to win their league championship.
Do you want to see amazing team chemistry, great teamwork and outstanding partnership on the basketball court? Watch the extraordinary highlights of last minutes of the 2016 Villanova and North Carolina NCAA championship game.
Admittedly, it’s a highlight reel. What if it were a blooper reel?
In basketball, things happen all the time that don’t work. A player takes a three-point shot and it’s an “air ball,” missing the net entirely. A player dribbles the ball off his foot and loses control of it to the opposing team. In fact, in that video, there is one play that clearly didn’t work. A player attempted to pass the ball to a teammate and the ball went out of bounds. The game went on.
During a game, however, if you see one player criticize, blame or to make their teammate wrong, it would be a very ugly sight. As a fan, it would be uncomfortable to watch and, if that behavior were to go on too long, fans would begin to leave the arena. No one wants to see that. Especially, the coaches!
What usually does occur though? The team that loses the ball, shifts gears instantaneously and gets back on defense. No one criticizes anyone. Teammates don’t blame or make each other wrong. They don’t storm off the court. They get right back into the play of the game. What allows them to do that?
Good basketball players are able to instantaneously register what happens on the court and adapt quickly. They see what doesn’t work that impedes their play and what does work that improves their play on the court. The player, who throws a bad pass, takes responsibility for it and gets back on defense. Their teammates also observe that pass didn’t work, accepts what happened and gets back on defense.
The success as a team is valued more than the success of any one player. Each basketball player keeps their focus on playing well. They want to get that basketball through the hoop at the other end of the court and score more points than the opposing team. They want to win together.
Married couples who work together to make sure that their marriage is mutually satisfying and fulfilling for both partners when together on the court of life. They continually learn what works and what doesn’t work to nurture and enhance the quality of their relationship. They do what works; they give up what doesn’t!
They keep their focus on what they want to build for the future. They work and play as partners and good teammates to make that future happen. Couples who put their attention on the quality of their connection, teamwork and partnership succeed together. They’re champions for each other and their marriage.
Posted in Partnership Marriage
