What Husbands Want in Marriage

Have you ever wanted to know what husbands really want in their marriages with their wives? Neil Chethik (2006) in his book, Voice Male, presented the results of his interviews with 70 husbands and surveys with another 280 husbands to find out. Most husbands whom he interviewed:

• Considered their relationships with their wife as most important in their lives and were committed to the quality of their marital relationships.
• Valued the physical, emotional and intellectual companionship of a woman and wanted a lifetime partner.
• Took their marital responsibilities seriously.
• Expressed their love to their wives through getting things done and side-by-side companionship, rather than talking face-to-face about issues or sharing their feelings with each other.
• Expected that most big problems in their marriages should be resolved to the mutual satisfaction of both partners.
• Rated managing the finances, balancing their family and careers, parenting their children and taking care of the household tasks as higher than having sex as aspects of the marriage that required mutual focus.
• Admittedly found it hard in the early years to have their children become the center of their wives’ attention, but, with time, found ways to accept their new role as a father.
• Became more interested in being at home as they got older in contrast to their wives who became more interested in being outside the home, developing new interests or building their careers.

The men he interviewed represented 8000 years of marital experience. Chetnik (2006) asked them what advice they would give younger men who were thinking of getting married. Here is some of the advice these men offered:

• Make your marriage a top priority. Your commitment to your relationship with your wife is key to a healthy and satisfying life together.
• Your wife cannot fulfill all your needs. Find other avenues for your happiness.
• Learn to negotiate and resolve problems so that you both win. Marriage takes both partners being 100% responsible for the quality of the relationship. Marriage is about creating a relationship in which you both feel loved and appreciated.
• Stay connected throughout all the stages of your marriage. Listen to each other, treat each other as equals, keep your commitments with each other and don’t take yourselves or your relationship too seriously.
• Create a shared future together. Nurture your partner’s dreams as well as your own. Invest emotionally and financially in reaching your personal and professional goals.
• Choose partnership as the model for your lifelong relationship.

One final note: Chethik (2006) found that couples who are successful in working out household chores in an equitable way have sex more often, are less likely to seek marital therapy or consider divorce and are happier than married couples who don’t!

Reference

Chethik, N. (2006). Voice male: What husbands really think about their marriages, their wives, sex, housework and commitment. New York, New York: Simon & Schuster.

Posted in Partnership Marriage