Building a Future Together

Sometime after our third child was born in 1991, Martha and I sat down and created 50-year vision of our future. We imagined our three children going to college and each of them pursing their interests and work that they love. We envisioned traveling overseas and even talked about living in a foreign country at some point. We thought about what is would be like for our children to get married and for us to be grandparents one day. We discussed having our own businesses and even doing work together. We even imagined being at our 90th birthday parties!

Twenty years later much of what we saw for our lives that day has come to fruition. And much has yet to happen. Scott M. Stanley (2005) who has studied the power of commitment in marriage says that a couple who shares and nurtures a vision for their life together lives with a greater sense of fulfillment and prosperity. He even says that a vision is necessary for a strong and healthy marriage. He cites research evidence that suggests that happier couples talk regularly about their future, whereas unhappy couples do not.

It begs the question, why is vision so important for a healthy and vibrant marriage? A vision helps a couple to view their lives in the long arc of time, shared meaningful experiences, necessary life transitions and individual and joint accomplishments. Stanley (2005) suggests that a vision provides a couple with a ‘long view.’ The vision that Martha and I created years ago has helped us to shape the life that we have shared to date and will continue to give meaning to our marriage for years to come.

Here are specific benefits of taking the long view in your marriage (Stanley, 2005):

• A couple views their relationship as being able to weather life’s difficult times.
• A couple is better able to gain a healthy perspective when problems arise.
• A couple feels secure enough with their relationship that they are able to take risks that they know will challenge them.
• A couple knows that they can trust each other and not lose faith when things don’t work out for the best.
• A couple invests time and energy in the growth of their relationship and the quality of their marriage.
• A couple participates in important family traditions which bring continuity to their lives.

Here are great questions to ask yourselves:

• What future are you building together?
• What are your dreams? (Examples are traveling, playing with grandchildren, writing a book, learning a musical instrument, getting involved in politics, creating a business, etc.)
• What are your goals (financial, marital, family, recreational, educational, career, etc.) individually and jointly?
• What support do you request from your partner and also need from others?

It is an important investment of time and energy to set aside an occasion to talk about the future you are building together, to share your dreams and to create plans of action to make your vision come true. Get out your calendars and schedule time to build your future!

Reference

Stanley, S. M. (2005) The power of commitment: A guide to lifelong love. San Francisco, California: Josey-Bass.

Posted in Partnership Marriage