Communicating with Compassion

Marshall Rosenberg (2005) examined the role that language plays in helping people to be compassionate with each other when communicating their needs, wants and requests of each other.  He says that when human beings are communicating from the heart and connecting authentically with each other they are communicating with compassion. He is interested in how human beings can be human with each other even in difficult conversations.

Rosenberg’s model of compassionate communication assists couples in how they can express themselves with each other, not in a reactive way, but in a conscious way with honesty and empathy, so that their deepest needs are taken into consideration. The four basic components of compassionate communication are:

• Be observant. Observe what is actually happening (specific actions) in a situation that is affecting your well-being. In other words, learn to observe and acknowledge what happened and what is so without being judgmental or making anyone or anything wrong.
• Express what you are feeling. State what you feel in relation to what you are observing. In other words, learn to simply identify and articulate what you are feeling without any justification.
• Say what you need. State your needs, values or desires that are connected to the feelings you are having. Learn to clearly say what is important to you.
• Make a request. Make a specific request that addresses what you want from your partner. Remember that in making a request, you are allowing your partner to choose ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or make you a counter proposal.

This way of communicating fosters a way of being together in difficult conversations and allows you to respect each other, listen deeply and display empathy for each other. It is a way of communicating that creates a mutual desire to share from one’s heart and to connect compassionately with another.

Reference

Rosenberg, M. (2005) Non-violent communication: A language of life. Encinitas, California: Puddle Dance Press.

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