Transforming Common Family Dilemmas

Parents with children who have developmental and medical disabilities have in common a number of family dilemmas that they deal with on a day-to-day basis. Many parents are comforted when they find out they are not alone in their experience and they gain strength in coping with their unique circumstances when they understand that many of the difficulties they are facing are common to other families with children with disabilities.

The word “dilemma” aptly describes the kind of difficulties that these families tend to encounter every day. A dilemma, defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary, is “a perplexing or awkward situation.” In such circumstances, parents may find it difficult to navigate or to see things clearly. Such circumstances require parents to problem solve, to come to grips with what is going on, and to seek help from other people and professionals. Feeling confused, not knowing what to do or where to turn, feeling sad and being alone are all common experiences for parents with children with developmental disabilities. The word “dilemma” points to the nature of the circumstances with which these families must learn to cope.

There is a good deal of research to suggest that one of the adaptive responses that parents make to the birth of a child with a disability is to attribute positive meanings to the circumstances in which they find themselves (Patterson, 1991; Austin & McDermott, 1988; and Antonovsky & Sourani, 1989). Couples will find interpretations to make their situations more manageable, adopt positive attitudes toward their child’s disability, shift expectations of what can be done, identify growth and capabilities in their child, or acknowledge the child’s contribution to their family as a whole. Over time, such ways of shifting the perspective through which they are viewing their life circumstances can aid significantly in helping couples heal family trauma and foster family well-being.

I wrote a paper with Susan Rosano in 2006 that specifically distinguishes eight specific family dilemmas and suggests ideas for dealing with them. First, this paper looks at the nature of each dilemma from the point of view or from the experience of the parents or the family as a whole. Then, this paper examines what might be the task of the family over time in dealing with the specific dilemma that they are encountering. Third, different empowering contexts or perspectives are identified that parents can generate to assist them in experiencing a sense of wholeness and well-being in dealing with each dilemma.  This paper highlights the transformative effect of shifting perspectives when parents are dealing with the family dilemmas of raising a child with special needs.

If you’d like to download and read the entire paper, please click on this link: http://www.elysianenterprises.net/personal-fulfillment/personal-fulfillment-resources/

References

Antonovsky, A. & Sourani, T. (1989) Family sense of coherence and family adaptation. Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, 50, 79-92.

Austin, J.K. & McDermott, N. (1988) Parental attitude and coping behavior of children with epilepsy. Journal of Neuroscientific Nursing, 20, 174-179.

Miser, A. & Rosano, S. (2006) From challenge to joy: Transforming common dilemmas for parents raising children with developmental and medical disabilities. Unpublished paper.

Patterson, J.M. (1991) Family resilience to the challenge of a child’s disability. Pediatric Annals, 20(9), 491-499.

Posted in Developmental Disabilities