Challenging Assumptions in your Marriage

If you and your partner have an area of life in which you are having difficulty expressing partnership, you very likely have assumptions that are limiting your view of yourself, your partner and your partnership.  The purpose of the exercise below is for you, as a couple, to identify some of your limiting assumptions that are holding your current circumstances in place, to challenge your assumptions, to create new perspectives and then together to take a new stand for what is you are co-creating in that area of your life.

Together, first identify a specific area of your life that is not working as well as you would like it to (e.g., household tasks are not getting done, overspending your budget every month, not having any time for each other, etc.). This exercise for couples has been adapted from Byron Katie’s work on challenging assumptions (Katie, 2002).  Have fun with this!

1. Identify the specific area of your life together that is not working as well as you would like it to.
2. Taking care to focus on only this one area, share an assumption you have about yourself, your partner and your relationship. As you share your assumptions, write them down. Share back and forth until you have all your assumptions written down.
3. Next, jointly examine each assumption you have identified and ask yourselves, “Is this assumption really true?”
4. Then, examine each assumption by asking this question, “How do I (we) react and/or what happens when I (we) have this assumption operating in the relationship?’
5. Next, ask yourselves, “Who would I (we) be without this assumption?”  Consider, “What new future emerges for us in this area of our lives without these assumptions?”
6. Next, together, create an empowering perspective or place to stand in this area of life.  An example might be: “We are a powerful housecleaning team!” or “We stand for open and honest communication!” Then, speculate how that area of your life might transform over time if you were to take on this perspective or stand together.
7. Lastly, share with each other, “What actions am I (are we) committed to take in this area of our life?”

In the next few weeks, if either of you find yourselves making those old limiting assumptions, let them go, be bold and take that new stand for your partnership!

Reference

Katie, B. (2002). Loving what is: Four questions that can change your life. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Posted in Partnership Marriage