Exploring Your Unique Friendship

At the core of a successful marriage and/or partnership is friendship.  Fowers (2000) writes that the best marriages are “partnerships in which spouses are devoted to creating a shared life that is larger than the emotional payoff of the marriage.”  He suggests that one of the important virtues in a partnership marriage is friendship where spouses focus on creating a vision for their life together, appreciate each other for what each person contributes to the relationship and work as a team to build the life they want.

Here are great questions to ask yourself if you want to explore your unique friendship together.  Get together with your partner and simply have a conversation with each other focusing the following questions:

• When did you first know you were friends?
• What is the central focus of your friendship?
• What is the most important to you in your friendship?

The dictionary definition of “friend” is “a person whom one knows, likes and trusts.” In the derivation of the word friend, “frēond,” the Old English word for friend, was the present participle of the verb frēon, “to love” (www.dictionary.com). A friend literally is a person you love.

Now, using the questions below to structure your conversation, share with each other about what you know, like, trust and love about your relationship:

• As a friend, what do you “know “ about your partnership?
• As a friend, what do you “like” or appreciate about your partnership?
• As a friend, what do you “trust” about your partnership?
• As a friend, what do you “love” about your partnership?

Fowers (2000) suggests that there is too much emphasis on happiness and emotional gratification in today’s marriage.  Partnership marriage is really about mutual empowerment, co-creating a life in which the dreams, intentions, visions and goals of each individual and those of the marriage are the priority.  Happiness and satisfaction in your marriage are the by-products of working together as a team, in partnership to build the future together.  That is an expression of true friendship.

Now, share with each other your individual and shared dreams, intentions, visions and goals.

References

Fowers, B. (2000). The Myth of Marital Happiness. San Francisco, California: Jossey-Bass, Inc. Publishers.

Posted in Partnership Marriage